


Circle of Heartbreak

by thunderscape7



Series: Bad-ass Mage Women Save Thedas [2]
Category: Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Broken Circle, Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, I always think of how my Amell would feel after this and they NEVER address it!!, I don't hate cullen!, I understand he's going through shit, I'm not sorry, Light Angst, Oneshot, but seriously, so much canon dialogue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-18
Updated: 2017-05-18
Packaged: 2018-11-02 03:19:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10935888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thunderscape7/pseuds/thunderscape7
Summary: "To say that the trip to the circle tower to get the mage’s help was strange would be an understatement. Sofia had expected to walk in, have a fight with Gregoir, meet with Irving and get out. Instead, they find out that the circle had been overrun by blood magic and demons. Mages she had grown up with were smeared across the walls or turned into mangled abominations."Sofia Amell has emotions after the mess at the Circle Tower. I needed to fix the travesty that is the fact that they NEVER acknowledge this dialogue, especially for a female mage.





	Circle of Heartbreak

To say that the trip to the circle tower to get the mage’s help was strange would be an understatement. Sofia had expected to walk in, have a fight with Gregoir, meet with Irving and get out. Instead, they find out that the circle had been overrun by blood magic and demons. Mages she had grown up with were smeared across the walls or turned into mangled abominations. Wynne’s help was appreciated but even that didn’t help against the Sloth demon.  _ Then _ , after being taught how to turn into a mouse, a burning man, a golem, and a spirit of wisdom, she had to save Leliana, Wynne, and Alistair from their own demons. A part of her felt bad tearing Alistair away from his with his sister, but she knew it would only be worse if she had succumbed. Luckily she had their help against the final demon where she had to utilize every form she had been taught. It was disconcerting to say the least. Once they were out of the fade, Sofia still felt off. It was like her body wasn’t her own for a few moments and no one even mentioned the changes. It’s like they didn’t remember the fact that she transformed into a GOLEM in the fade! Yeah she was a mage, but she had never known a mage that could do that.

She should have left there, thinking that the trip into the fade would be the worst of it. That fighting burning corpses, darkspawn, golems, and demons would haunt her dreams and be the end of it. But it was in the next room that she encountered someone that she would never be able to get out of her head.

Cullen’s voice was the first thing that greeted her, even before she caught sight of the figure behind the purple barrier. “This trick again? I know what you are. It won’t work. I will stay strong . . .” She had audibly gasped, hearing his voice so strained and broken. 

“Cullen!” she gasped, kneeling down before him on the other side. She could see the sweat beading down his forehead and the marks from torture.  _ Maker what have they done to you? _ “Cullen it’s me. Sofia. Don’t you recognize me?”

“Maker yes . . . how far they must have delved into my thoughts . . .”

Wynne put her hand on Sofia’s shoulder, sadness deep within her eyes. “He’s exhausted. And this cage . . . I’ve never seen anything like it. Don’t worry, ser. We’re here to help you.” she tried to console.

Cullen rocked back on his knees, hands leaving his temples for just a moment. “Enough visions!” he cried, curling over his knees once more. “If . . . if anything in you is human . . . kill me now and stop this game.”

“He’s delirious.” Leliana gasped. “He’s been tortured . . . probably has been denied food and water. I have a skin of water he can--”

“Don’t touch me!” Cullen shouted, jolting so fast in his fragile state that Sofia almost expected him to break. She had only known him as a templar, as a strong wall of protection and regulation. Seeing him now . . . “Stay away! Sifting through my thoughts . . . tempting me with the one thing I always wanted but could never have . . . using my shame against me . . . my ill advised infatuation with  _ her _ . . . a mage, of all things. I am so tired of these cruel jokes . . . these tricks . . . these . . .”

“Cullen.” Sofia breathed, trying to stay strong through the heartbreak. Of course she had had a massive crush on Cullen, the strong templar who patrolled most of the apprentice barracks. Her voice just barely cracked as her mind recalled the stolen kisses and kind words in the halls, stealing away time to simply talk or see him smile. He was . . .  _ ashamed _ ? “Cullen, it’s going to be okay. We’ll get you out.”

“Silence . . . I will not listen to anything you say. Now begone!” His voice was a growl this time, and a moment later he looked up with despair. “You’re still here? But . . . that’s always worked before. I close my eyes, but you’re still here when I open them.”

“I’m not a trick, Cullen. I’m standing right here, real as day. I’m here to help.” Sofia put her hand on the barrier. Wynne was right, she had never seen a barrier such as this, nor had she read about anything of the like. “You don’t need to say those things anymore.”

“I am beyond caring what you think.” He spat, shaking Sofia to the core. “The Maker knows my sin, and I pray that he will forgive me for it.”

She blinked back tears. “Liking someone isn’t a sin.” she whispered, “Why does the thought of it cause you so much pain?”  _ Why was he causing  _ her _ so much pain? _

“It was the foolish fancy of a naive boy. I know better now.” Cullen said dejectedly, his hands holding his head just over the ground. “You are a mage and I, a templar.” he looked up and met her eyes. “It is my duty to oppose you and all you are. Do not blame me for being cautions of voice and images that have been so real for so long.” Sofia blanched, watching him sadly as he continued harshly. “Why have you returned to the tower?”

“Is . . .” she swallowed her choking breath and tried again, “Is it really so strange that I’d return? This is my home. The circle will always be my home.”

“It was mine as well.” Cullen said coldly. “And look what those mages have done to it! They deserve to die.  _ Uldred _ deserves to die!”

His anger stung like a dagger. Sofia had to look down at herself briefly to double check that he hadn’t drawn blood. This was the same templar that had overseen her harrowing. The same man who had been worried and concerned about what he would do if she had succumbed to a demon! He had cared for her and now he looked at her as if she were an abomination performing blood magic right before him. “I just want to help, Cullen. I’m not your enemy.”

“Good . . . kill Uldred. Kill them  _ all _ for what they have done. They caged us like animals . . . looked for ways to break us. I’m the only one left . . . they . . . they turned some into monsters. There was nothing I could do.” His breath hitched with the last few words. 

“Where are Irving and the other mages, Cullen?”

“What others? Who are you talking about?”

Wynne stepped forward. She could see how the young warden struggled to keep composure. She, as many of the older mages, had known about dalliances between mages and templars. They all had them. “Irving. Him and the other mages who fought Uldred.”

Cullen bowed his head. “They are in the Harrowing chamber. The sounds . . . the sounds coming from there . . . oh  _ Maker _ . . .”

“We must hurry,” Wynne turned to Sofia, who was dusting off her knees as she stood. “They are in grave danger, I’m sure of it.”

“You can’t save them.” Cullen rebuked. “You don’t know what they’ve become.” He turned his head away. “And to think I once thought we were too hard on you.”

“We can’t just kill them all.” Sofia snapped back, “I’m a mage too. We’re not all evil.”

“Did a mage not start this? Isn’t one of  _ you _ to blame? Only mages can hold that much power at their fingertips! Only  _ mages _ are so susceptible to the infernal whisperings of demons.” He trembled, memories of what had happened to him, the horrendous torture he had endured taking its toll. “They’ve been surrounded by . . . by blood mages. Their fingers snake into your mind. Corrupt your thoughts.”

Alistair looked to Sofia with sympathy and concern. He was worried about her. “His . . . hatred of mages is so intense.” he breathed.

Cullen looked to Alistair, slight recognition in his eyes. “You have to end it. End it before it’s too late.” He pleaded desperately.

“What can you possibly propose we do, Cullen?” Sofia interjected. Alistair had deferred to her judgement since Lothering, she doubted that would change now. “I want to save everyone who can possibly be saved. I will  _ not _ kill an innocent person.”

Cullen finally looked back at her. “Are you truly saving anyone by taking this risk? You must ensure this horror ended. You  _ must _ guarantee no abominations or blood mages live. To do that you  _ have _ to kill everyone up there!”

“I would rather spare maleficarum than risk harming an innocent.” Sofia firmly said, her hands balling into fists. 

“Of course. I heard the rumors. Your sympathy towards blood mages. Was I blind to you as well?”

His words stung, it hurt so badly that she wanted to punch him. She wanted to tear down the maker damned barrier and hurt him just as he had hurt her. But he had been hurt enough, hadn’t he? That’s the whole reason he was now acting this way. Deep down, she knew that. “I am not a blood mage, Cullen. I simply believe we can save the innocents.”

Wynne made a sound of agreement. “Thank you, dear. I knew you would make the rational decision.”

“Rational?” Cullen gasped, looking to the enchanter with distress. “How is this rational? Do you understand the danger you would be in? That you would put us all in?!”

“I know what the dangers of magic are young man.” Wynne snapped. “But killing innocents because they might be maleficarum is not justice. It is vengance. I know you are angry--”

“You know nothing!! I am thinking about the future of the Circle. Of Ferelden!”

A few stray tears escaped Sofia’s eyes, shining down her cheeks. If anyone noticed they said nothing. “I will not have the blood of innocents on my hands, Cullen. I refuse.”

Cullen hung his head, his shoulders trembling. “That is your choice.” His voice was venom. He was saying the words but she knew he wished to curse her to the Void. “But I must beg you to consider what I have to say. You cannot tell Maleficarum by sight. Just one could influence the mind of a king, of a grand cleric.

Sofia straightened her shoulders, staring down at him. She tried to harness a coldness but she knew she wasn’t succeeding. “I’ve made my decision. I is not as bad as you make it out to be. A mage can traverse the fade with demons and not succumb.” She spoke from experience. She had just spent more time than she cared to count there afterall.

“You may be content to ignore the truth, but I can see it painfully clear.” he sighed, whether in frustration, annoyance, or defeat she wasn’t sure. “But obviously I am in no position to influence your actions . . . no one ever listens.” he whispered, turning his eyes away from her once more. “I hope your compassion hasn’t doomed us all.”

 

Cullen’s words shook Sofia to her core. They stuck with her throughout the fight with Uldred and his abominations. She was simply thankful that she had been able to save Irving. He had been like a father to her for most of her life, more of a mentor, but the sentiment was the same for her. She had practically carried him down the steps to bring to Gregoir. She was honestly surprised that he seemed . . . relieved to see Irving alive. Of all the templars, it seemed that Gregoir and Cullen had unwittingly switched places.

“It’s over, Gregoir. Uldred has been defeated.” Irving said, holding his side.

“Thank the Maker. I wasn’t sure you’d be able to make it out.” Gregoir gasped. Before anything more could be said, Cullen stepped forward, having been released from the barrier with the destruction of Uldred. 

“He was using blood magic to alter the mage’s minds. We don’t know how many have been turned.” Sofia started. He couldn’t possibly be suggesting what she thought he was. . . 

Irving was surprised as well. “What? Don’t be ridiculous, young man.” 

“Of course he says that! He could be a blood mage!”

“I accept the grand enchanter’s word, Cullen. And as I am the Knight-Commander here, I hold the authority to make that decision.”

“But ser . . .”

Gregoir all but glared at the young man. “Do not question me, Knight-Captain. Go and rest, you have been through much already.” he said before turning to speak with Irving once more about the future of the mages and their help in Redcliffe. Sofia, however, wasn’t listening. She was watching Cullen walk away with stiff shoulders and a shaking hand to his temple. While she understood he had been tortured, lived through a terrifying experience, she couldn’t help but feel angry at his words. Would he have killed her? If he had not been in the barrier would he have slain her in the name of the templar order? She didn’t realize she had been lost in her thoughts until Alistair touched her shoulder.

“Sofia?” he whispered, getting her attention. “Are you alright?”

“Hm? Oh. Yes. We should return to Redcliffe. We can’t leave Teagan and Isolde waiting.” Sofia turned on her heel and left the tower, walking out the doors of her childhood home for only the second time in her life. Alistair watched her for a moment, concern etched into his furrowed brows.

“Yes. Of course.” he whispered, following after the new warden. Perhaps they could talk about this later, but for now, she seemed to need something else to distract her mind. Hopefully it helped.


End file.
